Just Friends
by Rag-Doll-Chey
Summary: {NOW COMPLETED!}Sirius and Remus were constantly hideing their feelings from each other. But they knew there was something there. But how to reveal it to each other..
1. The Dream

Title : Just Friends

Author : Me

Rating : PG-13

Warning : Slash. AU.

Disclaimer : Don't Own. Don't Sue. Don't Tell. Never Happened. Only in my dreams.

Pairing : Sirius/Remus

Chapter : 1/?

Summery : Remus and Sirius hid their true feelings about each other from each other, which begins to destroy not only their friendship, but all the other friendships they made with it.

Author's Notes : Read and Review please. Its my first crack at a Sirius/Remus ship. And I loved to read them. And I haven't written in ages so just please..read it..

**§.â€¢â€¢.â€¢â€¢.§.â€¢â€¢.â€¢â€¢.§.â€¢â€¢.â€¢â€¢.§.â€¢â€¢.â€¢â€¢.§  
**

Remus John Lupin, known as Moony to his closest friends only, tossed and turned in his bed. It was happening **again.** That dream..that **nightmare.** He wasn't sure what to call it.

_Remus was walking into a room, closing the door being him. It was somewhere in Hogwarts. An Empty classroom. An empty guest room. He didn't know. It was just somewhere that was empty._

_There was a bed in this room. He slowly padded his way over to it and sat on the edge of it. Taking off his robe (as his shoes had been removed at some point in time), Remus rose and walked to the door._

_There was someone on the other side of the door. Remus didn't know who it was..yet. The person on the other side of the door was **defiantly** male. Remus knew that much. It always was._

_The Milli-second Remus' fingers brushed the doorknob everything was spinning. It looked like a movie, changing scenes..changeing places. First he saw the blue sky, filling with clouds. It was moving, and fast._

_  
The moment he managed to take it all in he was in a room, there was a small girl on the dusty wooden floor playing with 2 dolls. One was a male doll and the other was female. They were rag dolls. Remus watched her as she slammed the dolls together, as if **forcing** a kiss._

_Then Remus saw **his **hand, tearing at the skin on someones back. He saw this then a kiss. He was kissing someone. More than likely the Mysterious **Mr**. On the other side of the door._

_Then he saw two people. He **knew **what they were doing. Their legs were tangled together as they rolled in the bed. Their body's covered by a large white sheet. He also knew who **those people **were._

_And He knew he was one of them._

_Thats when the image changed to two piercing blue eyes. The image gradually zoomed out so he could see the face of his **would-be-dream lover**. Sirius. His best friend Sirius. Padfoot.._

_And him._

That thought was enough to jolt the 16 yr Lycanthropy out of his slumber and wide awake. He was panting. A light coat of sweat covered his body and he was shaking horrifically.

But yet he had a smile on his face. A small smile. And he just wanted to be able to wipe it away. He knew his subconscious had scared him. But the overall mood of the dream had been..pleasent..to say the least.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the sandy haired boy slide out of bed. It took him what seemed like an hour to make it out of the boys dorm quietly, though in reality it was only a few minutes.

Remus sighed softly as he sat down on the scarlet couch, curly up comfortably in front of the slowly-dieing flames in the fireplace. It had to be about..1..maybe 2 a.m. It felt much later. And Remus felt tired. But could he really risk falling asleep again and slipping off into a more..**detailed** dream? The dream that had startled him wasn't that detailed. Everything had always been covered up.

Remus had always thought of his padfoot as his padfoot. Best Friends forever and all that sentimental shit. And Remus always thought himself decidedly straight. Even with the **very** rare thoughts that tended to slip into his mind about other guys..

But this dream was different, this dream was pleasant. This dream had made him feel good. And Remus couldn't handle that.

Remus perked his ears up as he heard footsteps in the boys dormitory. Someone had awoken and was coming into the common room. Remus heard a bump followed by a, obviously failed attempt, muffled "Fucker!"

Sirius.  
  
Slowly the footsteps made their way to the door of the dormitory. And down the stairs. Halfway down the stairs Remus heard Sirius bump into, more than likely, the wall and murmur a "Fuckshitbuggerprickarseheadedhole!"  
  
Remus' small smiled widened a bit. Sirius did always have the colorful language.

But what could he do now? Sirius would come down and ask what he was doing up so late.. and Remus couldn't just **lie **to his best friend.

Right then.. he couldn't just leave and be found by a prefect. And Sirius' footsteps were getting closer. He could see Sirius in his mind. He had to be close to the bottom of the stairs.

With a panic Remus closed his eyes and flopped over in a ball sideways. He was almost crying. He felt awful. He should be sharing the nights events with the one person he felt he could share anything with. And now they had a secret. '_Our First Secret_' Remus thought with a grimace as he heard Sirius walk over to the couch and sit down next to him. '_Don't move_' Remus' mind told him, and he was listening intently.

Sirius just stared at Remus for a few moments before murmuring, "I wish you were awake, Moony. I had this awful dream." Did Sirius suspect Remus of being awake. Remus held his breath as Sirius continued, "I was in Knocturn Ally when someone came up to me...you know those old Muggle Movies I used to watch in first year? This guy went all funkafyed Chinese on me..He unleashed all this Wiggy Shit.."

Remus had to fight off a snort. When Sirius was drowsy Remus sometimes suspected he didn't know what words he was using. Sirius gave a small sigh, "He got on my neck and started hopping on it..Like a trampoliene.." Sirius shook his head, "The Mother fucker picked me up, bounced me, then threw me into fucking oblivion."  
  
Remus couldn't help it. At that he snorted. Sirius chuckled a bit. "He was all The Microwaves defrost Hot Dogs, and I was all 'What the fuck is a Microwave' and he was all 'arr, yeah De do!' Where the fuck the Caribbean accent came from I have no fucking idea.." 

Remus' snorts turned into deep chuckles as he fought to contain himself. Sirius remained silent as Remus tried to do the same. After a few minutes the awkward silence filled the room.

Sirius stared at Remus for a minute. Which seemed like eternity. He let his eyes roam over Remus' body while he ran a hand threw his saggy hair. He couldn't admit it openly, but there were feelings there that he **could** not describe. And he **didn't** want to feel toward his **friend**.

_'Just Friends'_ Sirius thought as the hand which had been preoccupied with his hair moved to lightly touch Remus' soft cheek. '_Just A Touch. A Meaningless tough'_ Sirius' mind thought as his hand begged to differ. Sirius' fingers lightly ran back and forth over the soft cheek it was touching, and Sirius was, quite literately, **aching **with trying to not turn it into a caress.

Remus froze. Sirius was touching his cheek. He didn't know what to do. It had been a rough night and this was only making it worse. He couldn't help but blurt out, "That feels good, more please."

Sirius jolted his hand away as if it had been burned. Remus held his breath again. Sirius tried to dismiss the thought that Remus had meant what he said. He needed to build his confidence in the statement, so jokingly he said, "At least one of us is having good dreams tonight, eh Mate?" as an afterthought, and after casting a wistful glance at the stairs, he said "Well, I'll leave you to your dream girl. G'night" before standing and hurrying up the stairs and back into the boys dorm.

Remus slowly sat up. Sirius couldn't wake up and find Remus sleeping in his bed, so Remus would have to sleep on the couch tonight, as Sirius would expect. "What have I done?" Remus murmured as he tried to find a comfortable position for real this time, "Butchered our friendship to bits..And burnt the bits into ashes.. and dumped the ashes in a sewer where a rat ate them and.." Remus' thought trailed off as his eyelids closed and he feel back into slumber.


	2. I thought I trusted you, Moony

Title : Just Friends

Author : Me

Rating : PG-13

Warning : Slash. AU.

Disclaimer : Don't Own. Don't Sue. Don't Tell. Never Happened. Only in my dreams.

Pairing : Sirius/Remus

Chapter : 2/?

Summery : Remus and Sirius hid their true feelings about each other from each other, which begins to destroy not only their friendship, but all the other friendships they made with it.

Author's Notes : Read and Review please. Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up.

I know this is a REALLY short chapter but I'm REALLY tired and I just HAD to update.

The next morning at breakfast Remus couldn't stop staring at Sirius. The way his eyes shown when his smiled. That smile. Those pale..full lips-

"Yo Moony! Come back to Hogwarts for a minute, would ya?!?" James asked, waving a piece of Cinnamon toast in front of Remus' eyes. "Sorry.." Remus murmured, blushing.

Sirius stared at Remus for a few minutes. The way the blush covered his cheeks was just so- "So Sirius, why don't you tell our astronut here what you said last night. I, for one, am eager for an answer also." James said to Sirius, who blinked for a minute before remembering what he wanted to ask Remus.

"Er..Moony, what were you dreaming of last night? It seemed quite pleasant." Sirius said, shifting his curious gaze to Remus. Remus froze. Oh no. His life would be over if his friends found out about his dream last night. And almost every night before then. He couldn't lie. He just..

"Sirius, can I talk to you in private?" Remus asked Sirius, raising an eyebrow. The way Remus' eyes somehow darkened forced Sirius to notice how..serious the situation was. "Sure" Sirius said, slowly standing. Remus grabbed Sirius' arm and started to pull him out of the great hall.

"Whats up with them, do you know anything, Evans?" James asked the redhead he was sitting next to. Lily shook her head, "Not a clue Potter."

Once through the great oak doors Remus let go of Sirius' arm and started to pace in front of him, "Look, Sirius. L..Last night when you came downstairs and I was on the couch I was awake. I..I can't..can't keep this from you because we've never had a s..secret and its just so hard that-"

Sirius' eyes kept getting wider as he watched how jittery Remus was. "Calm down Moony, is something wrong?" he asked his friend, stopping Remus in his tracks by placing a hand lightly on his shoulder, which Remus shrugged off. "Sirius, look..just don't.."

Remus sighed, "I really have to tell you something." Sirius raised a brow at Remus. Remus nodded, "Last night.. my dream.. it was you.. and me.. and we were..were.. kissing.. and doing stuff to each other.. and there was the sky and.. and rag dolls and.." Remus was nearly sobbing at the shocked look on Sirius' face, but he contained himself, "I..I was scared.. it wasn't the first time I've had the dream but... but its the first time you brought it up and..the dream scared me because I..thought.. I was straight but the dream was pleasant and-"

Sirius' -more- shocked look stopped Remus mid-sentence. He let two tears slide down his cheek but forced himself to stop there. "Look..padfoot.. I'm really sorry I-"  
  
"Remus! How..how.. I..I thought I could trust..Arugh!" Sirius spun around and banged a fist into the wall, it hurt like hell but he wanted to feel pain. Yes, Sirius had feelings for Moony, but this was.. he wasn't gay. Sirius Black was not gay.

"Pad..Sirius, I said I was sorry!" Remus pleaded, feeling horrible and thinking he could've just lied. 

Sirius spun back around to face Remus. "How could you do this to me, Moony? How?" he asked softly, before turning around and opening the door to the great hall, not waiting for an answer. He was murmuring to himself as the door shut behind him and he walked back to his seat at the Gryffindor table.

"Whats wrong, Sirius?" Lily asked him, placing a concerned hand on her friends shoulder. Sirius shrugged hers off like Remus did his. "Nothing Lily. Nothing."


	3. I can feel you breathe

Title : Just Friends

Author : Me

Rating : PG-13

Warning : Slash. AU.

Disclaimer : Don't Own. Don't Sue. Don't Tell. Never Happened. Only in my dreams.

Pairing : Sirius/Remus

Chapter : 3/?

Summery : Remus and Sirius hid their true feelings about each other from each other, which begins to destroy not only their friendship, but all the other friendships they made with it.

Author's Notes : Read and Review please. Oh, by the way, if you have any questions, feel free to ask and I'll e-mail you asap. (as soon as possible) **Also, I shall remain from writing any harry potter present/future setting fanfiction, as it has just been announced that one of Harry's friends will not make it to the 7th book. And in order to write properly, I have to know who she will kill off next..(the madwoman..) So I shall stick to this past fanfiction for now.**

**Also note that the spellchecker only got to Embarrassment before it started having problems so any mispelled words after Embarrassment can be blamed solely on the spellchecker.**

* * *

****

_I can see the magic floating in the air.._

Being in with you gets me that way..

I can feel you breathe, watching over me, suddenly I'm melting into you..

**Faith Hill**

The rest of breakfast Sirius remained remotely quiet. He would pick at his food, or take a sip from his goblet, but he just would not talk to anyone. And it was making Lily more anxious by the minute. James, however, seemed not to notice and was deeply involved in an argument with Peter.

Breakfast would be over soon and something was just nagging at Lily, telling her that something was really wrong with Sirius. So she did the natural thing, "Sirius..are you okay?"

Lily's words seem to drift into one of Sirius' ears and float out the other. Sirius merely murmured a "Yes, its a lovely day James.." as he was lost in his thoughts. He liked Remus. Something was there. It wasn't a 'brotherly' feeling either. But what could he do if he was gay? He had no idea how Gay men act.. or even if he should tell Remus that he has a bit of a homosexual feeling inside him also. "More like homophobic.." Sirius said, staring at his food but not eating. Not aware that Lily had been staring intently at him.

The 6th year redhead slowly turned and tugged on James' robe sleeve. "James.. I think Sirius 's lost it.." She whispered harshly. James, who was suddenly annoyed, turned to face Lily. "Bullocks Evans! He's probably thinking of how to ask Moony if he could use his dream woman!" With that James turned to face Peter again, but just as he was about to make his point even more clear to Peter on whatever they were arguing about, he threw a "Just but out of their business" over his shoulder.

Lily stared at James in shock. Peter must be getting him on edge. James would never yell at Lily like that. Unless James suspected something.. "Sirius.. are you okay? Its me, Lily Evans..remember?" Lily asked Sirius as she turned back to him.

Sirius blinked a few times before looking up and staring intently at Lily, "He's probably having some gay P.M.S issues or something.." Sirius told Lily before turning back to his plate. Lily's lower lip trembled as she noticed she was the only one who thought Sirius was in need of medical help in this kind of mental state.

Remus had been too scared to go back into the great hall. And now his stomach was rumbling and breakfast was almost over. And he felt.._lonely_. No smiling faces, no pats on the back. Remus' eyes widened, horror struck as he realized that there would be no more 'Moony' and 'Padfoot'.

Remus took in a shaky breath and continued to pace in front of the great hall. He was having a mental debate - 'Embarrassment or Starvation'. Remus wasn't took happy with the latter of the choices. He supposed if he could have another chat with Sirius and strighten things out and maybe..

Maybe they could be friends again? It seemed like a feeble hope.

Sirius yawned stiffly as he stood gesturing to his practically full plate and annoucing to practically the whole great hall that he wasn't hungry anymore. As Lily watched Sirius' back as he walked to the large oak doors she couldn't help but wispher a "Poor guy.. he really needs help. He needs his best friend. He needs Remus."

As Sirius opened the door he froze. Remus looked up from pacing and froze also. Sirius immedently recovered and slinked out the door, staring at Remus as he tried to get past him with as little contact as possible. Sirius was trying to put as much space between themselfs as possible.  
  
"Sirius..stop! I'm not as gay as you think I am!" Remus blurted out, somehow it had wormed its way from his throat to his tounge and just came right out of no-where. Sirius stared. "Look..Remus.. I considered our friendship special but not that special.." Sirius said worridly, backing away from the other boy.

Remus shook his head, "No. Sirius. It was Just a dream."  
  
"But you said you liked it!"  
  
"I said it was pleasant!"

"THATS THE SAME THING!" Sirius yelled, tripping over his feet and falling. Remus shook his head sadly again, "Sirius..please..listen... you're just a friend. In fact, if it will make you happy we can be just aquaintences." Remus pleaded, slowly making his way to Sirius. _I just don't want to lose you, padfoot._

Sirius sighed but didn't take the hand that was offered to him. "..did you like it, Moony?" He asked quietly, his tone was barely audible. Remus was slightly taken back, "Sirius, I alread-"  
  
"Tell me the truth, Remus John Lupin!"  
  
Remus nibbled his bottem lip a moment or two before nodding slowly. "It was a good dream.. but it scared me.." He said.

Sirius nodded slowly also. "Remus.. look.. theres definatly something there.. but its freaking me out right now.. I mean..... I never thought of myself as..as..as.."  
  
"Gay?" Remus offered. Sirius winced but nodded. "I just want to think it over. I never wanted to lose our friendship." "Its a little late for that.." Remus said sadly. "True.. I think I made things worse.. I think Lily thinks I'm mental.. I heard her say something about my needing mental help.." Sirius said, forcing a chuckle.

"So...were not friends anymore?" Remus asked, on the verge of tears again. "I don't know Remus. I need time to think it over. I need time to.." Sirius shut his eyes and exhaled the last word "Breathe." Remus nodded. "I'll miss you in the meantime Padfoot." Remus said, knowing it sounded corney.

Sirius nodded and stood from the ground by himself, brushing off. "Well.. by.. for now.. its not permanite though.. We'll work something out.." Sirius mumbled. Remus nodded solemnly and watched Sirius' back as he walked away.


	4. Its just another manic monday

Title : Just Friends

Author : Me

Rating : PG-13

Warning : Slash. AU.

Disclaimer : Don't Own. Don't Sue. Don't Tell. Never Happened. Only in my dreams.

Pairing : Sirius/Remus

Chapter : 4/?

Summery : Remus and Sirius hid their true feelings about each other from each other, which begins to destroy not only their friendship, but all the other friendships they made with it.

Author's Notes : Read and Review please. I have alot of time on my hands now, I'm siiiccck...

And for those who don't know, 'ambiguity' means.

1. Doubtfulness or uncertainty as regards interpretation: "leading a life of alleged moral ambiguity" (Anatole Broyard).

2. Something of doubtful meaning: _a poem full of ambiguities._

**I can't write without writing Severus. So he is here.**

Chapter 4 -

"Doesn't he know that its killing me?" Remus asked himself as he walked to his first class, Potions, with the Slytherins. Sirius had Defense Agenst the Dark Arts, which was just fine because Remus was fearful that if he was anywhere near Sirius he'd launch into 'Have you thought it over yet?' every five minutes.  
  
"Who and What is killing you?" A silkly-just-finished-puberty voice said from behind Remus, making him spin around to come face to book with Severus Snape. Severus was the one who's nose was burried in the book. The Book intiled 'One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi'. Severus had read it over a hundred times. But it never got boreing.

"Its really none of your business, Snape." Remus said plainly. Normally he wouldn't be so out-of-character but with all thats been happening lately he was a little on edge at the moment. "Just trying to help" came the voice behind the book, to which Remus raised a brow. "Whats got you in such a good mood, Snape?" The sandy hair'd boy asked, tilting the book slightly so he could look Severus in the eyes.

Severus merely shrugged, "Pettigrew." He said, smirking slightly. Remus was deeply confused. "'S Peter doing now?" Severus shrugged again, then as an afterthought said, "Its really none of your business, Lupin." Seeing the look on Remus' face, Severus' smirk grew, "Wow, cuts both ways, doesn't it?" Severus asked the werewolf before heading into the Potions classroom.

Potions went okay. So that was a lie. Potions went horrid, but it ended early. Severus and Remus had been glareing at each other the whole time before Remus' anger got the best of him and he didn't pay attention when he picked up some of Mortianna's nail clippings and added them 2 steps early, resulting in a botched Potion and a very big mess.

"Mr. Lupin, do you know what you did wrong?" The professor had asked Remus as Severus left the room with a satisfied smirk on his face. Remus looked around and sighed, "No sir."

"You don't know what you did.. lets try again Mr. Lupin, do you have ANY idea what kind of danger you put not only yourself, but your classmates and me in aslo?" The Professor asked, narrowing his eyes at the wide-eye'd little boy.

Remus nodded hurridly. "How much Danger, Lupin!?!?" His teacher demaned to know. "A..alot.." Remus stuttered out with his teacher right in his face. "Mr. Lupin, you will be scrubbing bedpans this saturday. Without your wand."  
  
Remus winced at the Punishment but was happy to finally get out of there.

Meanwhile..

In Defense Agenst the Dark Arts, which was still going on, Sirius sat in the back of the class. Next to Peter. "Sirius do you understand what the teacher just said?" the small yet tubby boy asked Sirius. "Shut up Peter, I'm not in the mood." Peter was taken back, but went back to scribbling all over his paper.

_'What would it be like, to be with Remus?' _Sirius woundered, sighing slightly. He supposed if Remus kissed him he could pretend Remus was just a flat-chested female. But that would hurt Remus' feelings.. wouldn't it?

Sirius looked down on his black parchment. He picked up his quill and dipped it into the ink, letting the well of the quill get full before he scribble a few words on the paper, just to make it look like he was looking..paying attention.

_If it wasn't for the sex I could be gay._ Sirius thought, _because then I'm just hanging out with my friends.._

But he knew Remus wasn't like that. Remus was emotional. Remus would want Sirius to be with him only if he wanted too. Remus wouldn't force Sirius into anything Sirius didn't want to do. _Maybe if we take it a little at First I could get used to it.._ Sirius found himself smiling at the thought. Sure, girls were nice but.. they didn't really know him like Remus knew him. Sirius supposed he could _try_ it. It cetainly wouldn't kill him.

"Mr. Black!" The professor said, suddenly right by Sirius, banging a ruler on the desk. The sound echo'd throughout the now amazingly silent room. The professor leaned over Sirius to read his parchment allowd, "'Misters Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs present.. the Mauraders Map' what is this Mr. Black? Were you paying attention at all?" The teacher asked Sirius.

Sirius shrugged, "I solemnly swear I was up to no good." He said, hiding his smile. Sirius' professor rolled her eyes before saying "Mr. Black, you have detention this saturday. You'll be scrubbing bedpans in the hospital wing.. without your wand."  
  
Sirius sighed sadly. Peter was humming to himself, "Whats that your singing Peter?" Sirius asked, still sorrowful of the punishment he had just recived. "Oh, muggle music, 'Its just another manic monday.. I wish it was sunday.. cuz thats my funday.. its just another manic monday.."  
  
"Peter?"  
  
"Yeah Sirius?"

"You can't sing.."


	5. Ambiguity

Title : Just Friends

Author : Me

Rating : PG-13

Warning : Slash. AU.

Disclaimer : Don't Own. Don't Sue. Don't Tell. Never Happened. Only in my dreams.

Pairing : Sirius/Remus

Chapter : 5/?

Summery : Remus and Sirius hid their true feelings about each other from each other, which begins to destroy not only their friendship, but all the other friendships they made with it.

Author's Notes : **I would've updates yesterday but I had a doctors appointment. My doctor put me on Mood Enhancers, (pills for depressed, anxious people.) What the hell!?!? Do I SEEM crazy? yes, St. Johns Wort - the pill they mix into the insane asylum's people to keep them calm.**

**What the hell?  
Anywho, this chapter was a serious bitch to write. I didn't know if they should have their first kiss or what..suggestions are welcome.  
Review please.**

**

* * *

**  
After Classes were over Sirius immediately went to find Remus. He had picked at bits and pieces of his thoughts and decided a small romance wouldn't kill him. It would certainly crush all the girls that swooned over him, but Sirius figured if he could get Remus to keep quiet..only for a few moments... until he decided if he really wanted Remus..

Remus wasn't hard to find. Sirius just thought of where Remus would be in between his classes. Or at Lunch period. And only one thought came to mind - The Library.

And sure enough, after the long walk from the Defense Against the Dark Arts corridor to the hallway in which the door to the Library stood on old hinges, there was Remus. Sitting at a table all by himself, book wide open.  
  
A few Ravenclaws were seated at a table not to far away. Sirius stopped looking through the small crack on the door and opened it, sliding in. He walked around nonchalantly, brushing his fingers against the spines of books he really had no interest in.

As he walked past the table of Ravenclaws he could hear them talking -

"Yes, well.. the Minister of Magic is wonderful but hes not that attractive.."

"Yes he is!"

"Then why doesn't he have a wife and children?"

"Hes probably married to his job.."

"Or as gay as a picnic basket!"

Sirius cringed as a few of the Ravenclaws laughed except for the one with the crush, who was looking horrified and livid at the same time. He continued looking casual, picking up a book and examining it until he reached Remus' table. He shrugged, pretending to read the back of the book as he slid a chair out and sat down beside Remus.

"Oi! 'Lo Remus, I didn't notice you were here!" Sirius said, looking up from the book. Remus looked up from his book and his eyes got visually wider. "What are you reading?" Sirius asked as if the yelling, the fighting, the cold nights, as if it all had never happened.

"P..Poe.." Remus stuttered out, not believing his ears. "Poe? Isn't he that nut-case?" Sirius questioned, putting his book on the table and pushing it away from him. "He was..quite..morbid.." Remus chose his words carefully. Well, while they were at it..might as well.. Remus sighed, "Have you..thought it over?"

Sirius nodded. "Before I got Detention. But hell, thats not the point." Sirius sighed, Remus was watching him intently. Trying to decide to be mad..sad..relieved..

"Look.. Moony..I 'spose we could..I don't know.. _try_ it. It won't kill me.." Sirius mumbled, avoiding Remus' eyes. Remus smiled, but he could see the emotion on Sirius' face. He was nervous. Skeptical. He probably wanted to keep things secret. He.. 

"Look, Remus, just..lets take it slow, okay?" Sirius asked, looking up from the table. Remus nodded mutely. Sirius smiled, relief washing over his face. But his eyes still held something..

Doubt. Sirius was doubting this relationship would work. He wanted to try, probably put all he had into it, but he would deny any _true _feelings.

Remus felt himself hurting all over again. Sometimes he wished he didn't know Sirius as well as he did. Sometimes he wished they were complete strangers. And sometimes he didn't want to ever lose his Padfoot, but he couldn't have it both ways. "You can't have your cake and eat it too." Remus felt himself saying. 

The pain had been replaced with anger. What was the point? Why should he let himself feel if it wasn't real? Why should he let Sirius use him for something that Sirius probably wouldn't let turn into anything? Why..

"I beg your pardon?" Sirius asked, raising both eyebrows. "Do you make your bed then lay in it?" Remus asked. Sirius shook his head, "After I make my bed I'm usually starting out the day and.. whats with the riddles Rem?" Remus stood from his chair, "Look Sirius, I think you need some more time to think it over." Remus spat, as if spitting acid.

Sirius' shocked expressed didn't change as Remus stormed out of the Library, leaving his book behind. What the hell? ((Author's Note : Remus can sometimes be..dominate..page 90 of 'Order of the Pheonix'..))

Sirius, after a few moments to collect himself, stood and went to lunch. Remus avoided him and James and Lily were caught in some argument whilst Peter was reading some idiotic book on the four founders.

Sirius went to the rest of the Days classes, where Remus avoided him. Remus wouldn't even spare Sirius a glance, and when he wrote it was quick scribbles. Not the nice, neat, _calm _writing Sirius knew Remus to have.

The day seemed to take forever to pass. Class after class Sirius felt alone. Lonely. Sad. Even..hopeless. He felt as if nothing could cheer him up. Had he done something to hurt Remus? He would never..

Around Dinner time Remus headed back to the library. He knew Sirius wouldn't dare to try and find Remus. He had left Sirius clueless. Good. Sirius deserved to feel _some_ pain. After what he put Remus through.

Remus sat down at his usual table and began to dig through his bag for a book, any book, anything he could read. Just something to keep him preoccupied.

Finding nothing, Remus sighed and stood, walking over to the shelves and pulling a book out. He opened it up, not bothering to read the title, and was greeted with a diagram of the human digestive system.

"Oh no.." Remus murmured. In shock, of course. Why didn't he find that out earlier? He had read enough on the subject.. he had read allot so he had to have read that somewhere.

After a human eats, the food gets digested, which is a standard procedure. Which means that after you've eaten your cake, for a period of time you still have it. Remus slammed the book shut and closed his eyes tightly.  
  
Feelings can change.. Sirius certainly did change from yelling to kindness.. Remus himself had changed.

"Oh great.." Remus muttered, "What the hell did I do.."


	6. Our First Kiss

Title : Just Friends

Author : Me

Rating : PG-13

Warning : Slash. AU.

Disclaimer : Don't Own. Don't Sue. Don't Tell. Never Happened. Only in my dreams.

Pairing : Sirius/Remus

Chapter : 6/?

Summery : Remus and Sirius hid their true feelings about each other from each other, which begins to destroy not only their friendship, but all the other friendships they made with it.

Author's Notes : I love to write. :) Read and Review. I'm sorry I had to leave a cliffhanger, but I wanted to cruel. I felt like it. :) Also - I REALLY wanted to write their first kiss together..so..

* * *

Realization of what Remus had done to Sirius hit Remus faster than a speeding bullet hit its target. He felt depressed. Why did he do that to Sirius? Why didn't he _talk _to Sirius like a rational human being?  
  
Because he hadn't felt rational. He had felt _used and hurt._ And mad. And he let his anger get the best of him. Even he wasn't clear on this new thing he wanted to try with Sirius, but if _they could only get close enough.. without interruptions.._

"I'm an arsehole." Remus mumbled. He had to find Sirius. **_Now. _**Remus dropped the book, which seemed to be a new habit of his, and dashed out of the library, slamming the door behind him. He could feel himself begin to pant as he ran to the great hall. The blood was pounding in his veins and he could do nothing to make the feeling go away.

He had to run faster. Get there soon! Now! Faster, Faster, Faster! Remus felt he would burst from the pressure, but he pushed himself. He had to see Sirius. Tell him the truth. The _emotional _truth. And nothing else mattered.

But would Sirius except him? That mattered. "I'm..an..arsehole.." Remus repeated, finally nearing the right corridor. He, if possible, sped up and threw open the giant oak doors. All eyes were on him. God, was he the only person who ever showed up late for anything.

Sirius was looking at Remus, but inside he felt he had lost Remus. "What have I done wrong?" he whispered silently. Remus slowly walked to the Gryffindor table and sat down. He needed to talk to Sirius. Alone. He didn't want to grow up old, alone, and lonely.

"Sirius, I'm sorry. I'm really really really sorry!" Remus got out in one big pant. Sirius smiled a bit. "Its okay Remus." He knew that they were the scene of the Gryffindor table, but he had his friend back.

Friend.

They were just friends. But Sirius knew Remus wanted more.

And at the moment Sirius wanted Remus happy. But..

"We're all arseholes sometimes, Remy." James said, clapping Remus on the back. James had no idea. Ignorant fool. Lily smiled. "Glad to see you back with us, Remus." She thought Sirius was mental and probably on the border of cracking. But she wormed her way into this.

"Idiots." Sirius mumbled under his breath. Remus nodded to James and Lily but turned back to Sirius in a Milli-second. "Look..Siri.. I'm just so Sorry I..I-" "Its okay. Fine." Sirius mumbled. Hes not ready for it. Not ready to be with Remus.

It was crowding him again. But he felt lonely without Remus. He..He didn't know what he wanted. Sirius wanted Remus.. _what you want and what you need are two different things. _Sirius' mind told him. Sirius mentally nodded. 'I need Remus' he told his mind, 'But not in that way.'

Thats when it dawned on Sirius, what Remus had said earlier - 'You can't have your cake and eat it too.'

Remus thought Sirius was just using him!! How dare Remus to ever think such a horrid thing! How..

It was some-what true, wasn't it? No! It couldn't be! Sirius had to prove it to himself! He had to..

Sirius told himself he had better not regret doing this before he leaned over and kissed Remus right on the lips. In front of Everyone. And Everyone was staring. And Remus was shocked. But Sirius wouldn't let that get him down.

He was going to prove to himself he would never use Remus. He wanted to make himself Sure that he wanted Remus. Sirius closed his eyes and just felt. Felt Remus kiss him back. The Soft lips Remus had. The way Sirius felt the world Stop just for them.

He wanted Remus. Remus wanted Sirius.

They could feel it. They knew it.

But would they admit it?


	7. I want you Remus I need you Moony I love...

Title : Just Friends

Author : Me

Rating : PG-13

Warning : Slash. AU.

Disclaimer : Don't Own. Don't Sue. Don't Tell. Never Happened. Only in my dreams.

Pairing : Sirius/Remus

Chapter : 7/?

Summery : Remus and Sirius hid their true feelings about each other from each other, which begins to destroy not only their friendship, but all the other friendships they made with it.

Author's Notes : Do. Dum de dum dum..daaaaa... Review my cruelness..sorry. **Sorry about this chapters shortness. I just had to update.**

* * *

Sirius pulled away from Remus. Everyone was looking at him. Shocked. Everyone. Remus was staring, almost relived yet in a way horrified. Unless Sirius was imaging it. "Sirius.." Remus breathed, taking a look at all those around him.

"I'm Sorry Remus, I shouldn't have..I didn't mean anything.." Sirius said, looking around him. He stood and backed away from the table, everyone still watching him. Remus watching him. Remus..hurt. "I'm so sorry Rem.." Sirius whispered in a harsh tone, still backing up.

Thats when he heard it. And he knew who said it. "Black's a fucking queer!" "I'm not-" Sirius started to protest, but it wasn't doing any good. He should just sit down know and confess everything.

But he couldn't. He kept picking the wrong words. He seemed to be hurting Remus more. Remus' chest was burning. His eyes were burning. His skin.. his skin cells were burning. So Sirius hadn't meant it?

Now is the time to really find out, right? "Sirius, you really didn't mean it?" Remus asked quietly, ignoring the "And Lupin's a fucking queer too!" That came from the Slytherin table. Sirius chewed his bottom lip.

This was unfair. Blackmail. Pain. "I..I.." Sirius was at a loss for words. He spun around and charged for the doors with all his might, throwing them open and hearing them as he ran down the hall. Everyone knew. Everyone..except Remus.

Why would Remus do that to him? Why..

Remus shook his head. So he hadn't meant it. Oh well. The pain was there. And Remus knew the pain would remain until he could hear the words pass from Sirius' mouth - '_I want you Remus. I need you moony. I love you.'_ But Remus also knew the difference between that dream and the reality he was in now.

Sirius continued running. He couldn't believe what he had just done. He had his chance and might not get another one. He had made a fool of not only himself, but Remus as well. Remus would never want him after this. Sirius once again felt lonely. Only this felt much worse.

He felt lonely and guilty. He felt the world had shoved it's finger in Sirius' face and yelled "Do it..do it or I'll fucking kill you!" and when Sirius had..done it.. his heart had died. It felt horrible. Sirius felt useless. Sirius felt..unfeeling. And he knew Remus felt ten times worse.

But Sirius couldn't handle it. His heart was in the right place but his mouth wouldn't do it. He wanted so much to say _'I want you Remus. I need you Moony. I love you.'_


	8. Warning : Violence

For info see the previous 7 chapters, I'm just sooo tired.

**I had to update, its in my blood. Warning - Violence.**

* * *

Sirius paced erratically in front of the first in the Gryffindor Common Room. And then he was there. His mind was spinning. He could see Remus. Hear him. Smell him. But he wasn't there. Sirius felt as if he was in another world.

He could hear screams. His mother. Remus was waiting outside. He was 7. Sirius was 6, a week to 7. Sirius dashed outside, his mother throwing a pot after him, missing him by, quite literally, a hair. The pot had hit Remus. Blood was everywhere. But neither boys did anything except run. Had to get away from that house.

Sirius was drawn out of the memory, one which he had always kept buried inside of him. _'My mother hates Remus' _The 16yr old thought. And he know it was true. But he couldn't force the bad memory's to go away. Sirius collapsed on the couch, which was a lot easier to do than to try and sleep.

The room was spinning again. He was 11. On his way to hogwarts. A Blonde haired boy had bumped into Remus, knocking him over. Sirius bent down and smiled at him. Remus smiled back. Thats when Snivellus' cart went haywire, no doubt James' fault, and nearly took Remus' skull clear off his head. But it missed him. He was fortunate. 

Sirius ended up with a broken toe, but the whole day he had thought about Remus' smile. Remus always smiled. But his eyes..they always held sadness. Sirius never knew why.

As Sirius was drawn out of that memory he was aware of the sensation of small tears streaking his cheeks. He could hear Remus and James talking just outside the portrait. Any second they'd be in. Sirius sighed. Everything had been horrible. And now.. now he felt worse. Nothing could make it better. Nothing. Except Remus.

Remus looked to the Fat Lady and bowed, "Fiddle bug" he said, and the portrait opened up and Sirius was there. Crying and all. Remus stared. He was looking right into Sirius' emotions, Sirius was letting him feel.

Remus felt guilty, Sirius' guilt. Remus felt horrible because in truth, he had caused Sirius' tears and he would never want to do such a thing. James felt the guilt too, it was like a cloud that hung over the room. James stared at Sirius and Sirius stared back. 

"Gosh Padfoot.." James whispered, glancing back and forth from Sirius to Remus, "I didn't think you were that embarrassed.." Remus glared at James, "He is NOT embarrased!" He said, raising a brow at James. "You were hardly in -this- world for the past few days, you haven't been paying ANY attention!" Sirius yelled.

Remus looked at Sirius. His eyes still held sadness. A sadness all its own. 

James strutted the rest of the way to Sirius like a peacock, and Sirius stood, glaring. "And Lily is worse." Sirius muttered. James gave Sirius a harsh shove, forcing Sirius to fall down. "Don't talk about Evans like that!"  
  
"Why, you're not going out!" Remus said, rushing over to help Sirius up. James gave Sirius a harsh kick in the ribs while he was down. Sirius yelped as James dashed to the boys dorm.

"Fuck him." Remus said, helping Sirius up and over to the couch. "No thanks, don't want to bang him. Wouldn't in a million years." Sirius said in a mere whisper, forcing a smile.

"Its okay Sirius. It'll all be okay."  
  
They both knew it wouldn't.

* * *

A/N : James had to have a reason for suspecting Sirius for Voldemort's right hand, right? Well, heres part of it..I guess. 


	9. Happyness, um, maybe

* * *

Disclaimer - Not mine. I only own Bethany. But this is her first and last appearance unless I decide otherwise.Author's Notes : My brother graduated The Cor Don Blue Cooking School in Orlando. He got a Crystal Apple and he's giving it to my dad, and my dad is not his dad so that is a real nice gesture. 

So, in hour of that, a happy chapter. Sorta.

And some graphic kissing, but nothing over PG-13. Promise.

**Also, I don't know how this story will end anymore. I had this happy ending in mind but now.. I don't really believe in Happy Endings, yet now.. oh well. I'll figure something out.**

* * *

Sirius hissed. Remus sighed. If Sirius wanted him to do this than Sirius would have to take the pain. "Hurts..Remus.." Remus shook his head. "If you won't see Poppy then I'll have to do it this way."

Sirius sighed and arched his back as Remus continued to apply 'Magic Mister's Cream for Broken Bones and Scraps' to his side. "Well, its defiantly broken" Remus stated, continuing to rub the creamy bare skin. Sirius glared at Remus for a fraction of a second, "No shit sherlock." 

Thats when Lily came into the Common Room. "James Potter told Peter that..Oh I can't stand him! I never liked Peter as much as I did in first year but what Potter said.. James is such a Bullock! A complete bas..." She stopped when she saw Remus and Sirius.

Sirius laying on his back on the couch with his shirt off and Remus standing next to him rubbing an extremely swollen, black and blue spot. "Did James do that to Sirius!?!?" Lily asked, horrified. Remus started to say something but Lily dashed to him and threw her arms around him, somewhat sobbing.

Remus had his chance to flinch, but he didn't. He wrapped his free hand around Lily's waist. Her sounds were muffled, "I loved him so much at first..but now he hurt Sirius..HE HURT SIRIUS!"  
  
Remus watched as Sirius watched this. He couldn't tell if Sirius was feeling jealousy...or malice.. but Remus felt Sirius tighten up. The skin tensed.

Sirius was so mad at James. First himself and now Lily. He had mentally raped her. "Oh Sirius I'm so sorry!" Lily cried, pulling herself away from Remus. She knelt down beside the couch, her hair, a thousand shades of red..like flames, swishing behind her. "I'll get him for it Lily, don't you worry."  
  
Lily gave a small smile and leaned over to place a kiss on Sirius' forehead. Once again Remus was given the opportunity to flinch away but he didn't. He just watched Lily as she pulled away from Sirius and bounced off to the girls dorm as if it all was better. And to think she thought Sirius was mental!

Remus finally sighed, Sirius looked quite pleased with himself but he knew that if he was feeling angry at James at the moment Remus felt jealousy, even if it was just a spark of it. Sirius stared at Remus' face. It had gone from helpful to expressionless the second Lily's lips touched Sirius' forehead. He **was _jealous._**

Sirius recalled the lonely feeling he had felt earlier. He had felt guilty. Horrid. He couldn't let Remus feel the same way.

Remus kept rubbing the cream on Sirius' skin. Acting as expected, hiding behind a mask, remaining silent. Sirius couldn't stand it. He trailed his hand along Remus' arm and continued reaching until his fingers were buried in Remus' hair. Sirius drew Remus' head down to his and..

_He was back there. The world had stopped for him. Everyone staring. It was all quite. Remus kissing him back, being gentle yet hopeful. Everyone staring._

Sirius was jolted out of the great hall memory when he felt Remus try to pull away. No. No more guilt. He wouldn't let Remus feel that way. He gave Remus a forceful tug and licked at his lips, determined to, at least, keep their friendship in tact. Determined to see if there was anything between them. Sirius continued to nibble, trying to get Remus over to is side. Remus was..

_Spinning out of control on an icy road. His older sister and her boyfriend were making out in the backseat of the old car. Remus couldn't remember what car it was, but it was old and big. He was trying to do the same with his date, but his passenger seat wasn't all that big. And he couldn't concentrate._

_The car kept spinning, the driver drunker than all hell. Remus felt like he would die. It was holidays, and this is how it would end. Thats when Bethany gave Remus his first ever real kiss, and everything felt like it all stopped spinning. Silence._

Sirius felt Remus slowly give into his hold. He was back. And Remus was with him.

_Silence. The great hall. Everyone staring. Why was everyone staring!?!? The world stopped. They were vaguely aware of someone shouting "Fucking queer" or something like that._

_  
They were spinning in the clouds. Feeling warmth. Comfort. _But this time it couldn't end..

Sirius forced Remus' lips apart, the kiss connecting them as Sirius demanded to explore. To get more.

Remus could feel Sirius taste bud's on the roof of his mouth. Sirius kept at it more instant. _Let me feel_ he pleaded. He didn't want to be lonely, Remus made him lonely. But he couldn't be mad. He wanted to be happy. Wanted Remus to be happy. 

Pressure. Rubbing their two tongues together. Feeling.

Remus shifted so he was starting to lay on Sirius. "RIB!" Sirius gasped out, shoving Remus away so he could get the word out more clearly, "RIB! HURTS SO BAD!" Sirius slammed his eyes shut to prevent from crying.

Remus slid to his knees and put some more cream on his fingertips, going back to rubbing the spot. Sirius smiled at bit at Remus, and Remus smiled a bit back. But Sirius didn't know what Remus was thinking..-

_I hurt you Sirius.....again._


	10. Perfect

Disclaimer : not mine

Author's Notes : Did you know that if you rearrange the letters 'BDSM' you get SBDM? Sirius Black & Draco Malfoy? O.o. I just realized it when the last part of my challenge was given. Yes, I love challenges and now I've got my first one on this account, Its gonna be wicked, in the middle of writing it now.

To my WONDERFUL reviewers - You don't think I read them, but I do. Each and every one of your reviews. Thank you so much! It means the world to me to see that people are enjoying my fanfic.

* * *

Sirius dreamed of flowers and daises. His dog senses could easily smell each and every flower he came by as he pranced around the field of flowers in his dog form. The sun was shinning brightly and the clouds looked like cotton candy.

If it rained in the dream it was raining chocolate. If it snowed it was gentle, and even though the snowflakes all looked the same they each had their own sparkle. And the sun never stopped shinning. The Sun which didn't kill your eyes to look at. The sun who looked like Remus.

Odd, isn't it? Moony being the sun? But thats what dreams are, odd.

And it was odd for Sirius, who was enjoying the smell of roses, to want to stay in dreamland just a bit longer. And longer. And when he finally awoke he was utterly disappointed. He didn't want to lose the memory of Remus smiling down at him and the perfect place he was in.

Thats another odd thing. Perfect seems like.. Communism. It seems like a wonderful place to be but when you hit the real world you realize that things weren't so great. You realize things weren't completely true. And even though you live in a world that isn't perfect, and you know perfect isn't so perfect after all, you appreciate some of what you have and long for the things you don't. Even if those things ain't so perfect after all.

Like Remus. Sirius knew Remus wasn't perfect. He was a Werewolf for Godric's sake! But he was one of those things that could seem perfect. He could feel perfect to the touch. His voice sounded perfect when he spoke. If he laughed the whole room was with him. He had that certain smile that made everyone wounder why he was so happy. But he wasn't so perfect after all.

And as for wondering why he was happy, you need a reason to be sad - you don't need a reason to be happy. Remus took the best in things. He wasn't happy on occasions, and Sirius, continuing his line of thought from the dorm to the common room, knew he wasn't happy now. Why should he be? Sirius had been a horrible friend. An absolute fool. And Sirius knew it.

Sirius soon found out that the cream had somewhat worked when he tried to sit down on the couch and experienced small shocks along his side. Oh well. He wasn't perfect either, you know.

Yes indeed, Sirius Black most certainly had his faults. No matter how much he wished himself perfect, Sirius knew he'd always be anything but.

Remus yawned as he rolled over in bed. He was dreaming of magic creams and horrid screaming, punching and kicking and crying. He was dreaming of hatred and unrequited love. And he knew this world wasn't perfect. He felt like the reality which he was absent from was perfect.

Perfect because Sirius hadn't pulled away when Remus helped him into bed. Perfect because Sirius hadn't flinched when Remus kissed the broken rib to help "make it all better". Perfect because he knew it really wasn't, and he longed for it to be. But perfect isn't really all its cut out to be.

Sirius knew he had some feelings for Remus. Something. He wasn't sure if it was love. But he could smile at Remus and when Remus smiled back he'd get butterflies in his stomach. It all started after the great hall incident. He even felt a stab of jealousy when giggling girls would pass Remus, yet Remus gave them the same smile he shared with Sirius.

Sirius couldn't help but feel he wanted to try something more. And he knew Remus felt the whole thing was his fault and it wasn't. But Sirius didn't want to make the first move. What good would it do to shatter broken glass.

"Morn' Pad.."

Remus' voice startled Sirius out of his thoughts and into his non-perfect reality. "Oi! Decided to join the land of the living?" Remus yawned in response. "Look alive Rem!" Sirius joked. Remus shook his head as he sat down beside Sirius' on the couch, "Its took early to look alive."  
  
Sirius chuckled. He knew something like that was coming. Remus was getting predictable. 

Hm.. maybe that was the key to perfect, to make unpredictable moves, to counter every heart-breaking curse. Was it really worth a try? Was it worth going through all the pain and hurt again? Not to mention the name-calling that would go on. And the gossip!

Sirius pulled himself back to reality and noticed Remus had gotten up, gotten a book, and sat back down and Sirius hadn't noticed. Remus was now reading said book.

"Poe?"  
  
"Nope. Emily Dickinson. She has a wonderful way with Poetry."  
  
"Oh really?"

Remus nodded.

"Read me something from her?"  
  
Remus rose a brow at this. Sirius interested in poetry? That was certainly different. "Maybe later."  
  
"Oh..okay.. um.. how about you read me a poem of hers for a bedtime story?"  
  
Remus chuckled but when he saw Sirius meant it he shrugged, "Why can't you read it yourself?" "Can't read." Sirius flashed a toothy grin before standing and stretching. "Damn I'm hungry." He said, still smiling.

Remus nodded. "Breakfast." He mumbled under his breath as he slipped his book into his bag. Sirius went back to the boys dorm to get dressed. 

No, this world wasn't Perfect. Yet. Even with its twist and turns Remus and Sirius both wanted a bit of Perfect, and both longed to hold onto what they had without damaging any future prospects.

No, not perfect indeed.


	11. Just out of my reach

Disclaimer : Not mine. sigh J.K. Rowling Mocks me.

Author's Notes : I'm trying to update as soon as possible (meaning when I'm not looking at Snape fan-art and on Deviantart). Okay.. lets see, some links that are me - and

I'm sad to report that this fic will end soon (**Not in this chapter! STILL MORE CHAPTERS TO COME!) **but it will. And I loved writing it. My new fic will be called 'Chemical Romances' and it will probably be a trilogy. If you hated this to end (like I will when that time comes) You might get a **sequel **on me in some time. I DO NOT KNOW! The end hasn't come yet, so no need to panic**. (yet)**

**Oh, one more thing - I cannot stress this enough - YOU HAD BETTER HAD VOTED IF YOU ARE 18. I PROMISE YOU THAT IF YOU TELL ME YOU ARE THE AGE AT WHICH YOU CAN VOTE AND YOU DIDN'T I WILL NEVER WRITE ANOTHER CHAPTER OF THIS FIC! EVER! SO YOU HAD BETTER HAD VOTED!**

* * *

How can Remus eat his pancakes when Sirius keeps dipping his finger in the jelly and licking it off? How can Remus watch Sirius get jelly all over his face and not want to lick it off? And Remus usually had a lot of willpower. But apparently Sirius was working on changing that.

"So, Remus.. not hungry? Can I have your pancakes then?" Frank Longbottem asked. Remus shrugged, "Sure" and passed his plate to Frank. He couldn't eat while watching Sirius eat. Not anymore. Sirius shoved another finger of grape jelly into his mouth, getting it all over his chin. And Remus could not stand it anymore. He growled and picked up a napkin, handing it to Sirius. "Your chin..your face is covered with jelly" Remus told Sirius politely through gritted teeth. 

Sirius smiled and shrugged, whipping his face sloppily and getting most of it off of the napkin and onto the table in no time.

After a few more minutes of Breakfast like this Remus stood, not being able look calm anymore he stood, taking a last sip of his orange juice. Sirius stood too, smiling at Remus with a wicked grin in his eyes. Remus knew something was up.

Sirius, without a word, shoved his hand into Remus' and tugged him over to Peter and James, talking loudly about Quidditch. Sirius was ignoring Remus' "What the-"'s and "Let me go"'s. Peter looked up from arguing with James and rose a brow at Sirius. They already had most of the Gryffindor tables' attention from the loud talking. Voicing _every word_ into_ everyone's _ears.

"What're you two doing, holding hands like that?" Peter asked, also loudly. Whatever had fueled James' temper, Peter knew what he'd done to Sirius and this was putting sticks in the fire.

Though, instead of getting angry, as Remus was doing, Sirius said (without missing a beat) "Imitating you and your boyfriend." And _everyone _heard. 

Sirius only smiled though, winked at Remus, let the soft hand he was holding go and _skipped _out of the great hall. Peter, however, had a different reaction to the words. His mouth dropped and his eyes grew as wide as saucepans. "I don't have a boyfriend" he repeated over and over again. Remus thought he'd wet himself.

Remus gave one last look around at the scene (which had turned into Laughing and staring and pointing and 'fucking queer' all over again) before spinning around and running after Sirius.

The great hall doors were thrown open and there was Sirius, leaning up against the wall and picking at something under his fingernail. "Oh, hello Moony old chum" he said, looking up and flashing a smile. "Fighting fire with fun?" Remus asked Sirius, moving to lean beside him. Sirius nodded gleefully. 

"Hey, um.." Sirius stopped looking calm and started wringing his hands. "Er.. we have some time left before class.. And I was hoping we'd read Emily Dickinson SOME time..I know I was probably a little out of it asking for a bedtime story but.. if you have the book you could read me something now?"  
  
Oh.

No Bedtime story for Remus. (Author's Notes : PG-13 rating people!)

Remus shrugged, "Sure" and with that he fished out a small yellow book. On the back were the words 'Solitary. Universal.'

Remus flipped through the pages before shrugging and reading - "I never hear the word 'escape' without a quicker blood, A sudden expectation, a flying attitude,

I never hear of prisons broad by soldiers battered down, but I tug childish at my bars, - only to fail again!" (Author's Notes - Hmm.. I wounder what the future Sirius was thinking while he was in Azkaban..)

Sirius made a face at the poem. "Oy, he's as bad as that Raven dude." "Poe?" Sirius nodded.

Remus shrugged. Sirius was never the poet. And that was ex- "But that was nice. I should check that non-rhyming poetry thing out."  
Not expected to say the least.

What was the key to a perfect relationship? Sirius wondered. He was certainly shocking Remus enough. Though he was still being..somewhat.. himself. Sirius certainly didn't know what to do next, but he was starting to like Remus more and more.

Control was starting to become Out of Reach.


	12. So easy

Disclaimer : Read my brand new bio! I do not own Any of the Characters J.K.R created but **READ MY FUCKING BIO! Thank you.**

Author's Notes : Last two Chapters. u-u. I'm sad. Horrifically sad. But oh well. --

I'm sad to report that this had to end (I'm repeating myself..) And in the next (and sadly, last) chapter I'll be making a big speech about how good it was to write this. (JUST KIDDING!...maybe..)

* * *

Remus and Sirius had started walking away from the lunchroom when it was time to go to classes. Oddly enough, although expected, Remus and Sirius thought of each other. They felt each other missing each other. And even Sirius was having thoughts of crossing the barrier he put between them.

Remus sighed as he strolled to lunch after classes. He had missed Sirius' face from breakfast. He missed the way his rough hand felt. He missed Sirius in general. But the worst thing he felt -the thing he would never forget feeling- was the fact that he was so sure Sirius wanted to remain friends and only that. And that pained him the most.

Remus fingered the strap of his bag, watching his feet when he bumped into someone. Someone familiar.

Someone with rough hands and a killer smile that he gave everyone. Someone named Sirius.

And with that Remus' heart leaped in his chest.

Sirius looked Remus right in the eyes and Remus knew Sirius had been thinking long and hard all day. That thought really made Remus wounder why Sirius was changing so much. but he didn't care. Because Sirius sighed and gave him that 'we really need to talk' look.

Even though this seemed Urgent, it was clear they would have to wait until private to talk, but Remus could wait as long as he had to. He could and would go the distance for Sirius. It was clear to Remus now that the dream that had started this all wasn't just a dream. It had unraveled him from the inside-out, showing him his feelings. Making everything clearer.

Sure, it may sound creepy, but the warm comfort feeling that Sirius got whenever Remus was near was due to knowing that Remus liked him. Maybe that was all Sirius needed to know. Maybe Sirius just needed that one little push.

"Hey Moon."  
  
"Hey Pad."  
  
They were surrounded by people so they had to act as if the dream that had started it all had never happened. But they both knew it did. Sirius flashed Remus his million-dollar smile and Remus could only smile back.

Sirius could like Remus in that way, and he could still like girls. And he liked that. But he knew this whole thing had shocked and scared Remus, and Sirius was scared too. He was liking Remus more than anything he had ever liked. More than quidditch, more than girls, more than pranks, and that was saying something.

Its so easy to make friends - If you want to hang out with a group of druggies all you have to do is do drugs. If you want to be with the sluts you have to be loose and easy. If you want good friends you only have to be yourself. Sirius and Remus knew that. And through being them selfs they found each other.

And it was so easy to do that. Just as it was so easy to act as if something had never happened when they both knew it had. It was so easy to cover up feelings that eventually were reveled. And it is so easy to change - knowing that the change will be for the good.

Its so easy for one friend to like another friend. In that way.

Sirius and Remus both knew they had feelings for each other now. And it was so easy for them to start to show it.


	13. More than Just Friends

Disclaimer - Not mine. -sadly- I do own the plot and the way I write Remus and Sirius, Its my own flare of a style if I must say so myself.

Author's Notes - Last Chapter. sigh 

**IMPORTANT - After the 'the end' I was listening to the radio this morning and that song just reminded me SO much of my fic.. you'd have to have read all of it to get it but really read the song and if you can listen to it, LISTEN TO IT! Its a really good song and is perfect for any slash ship written angst. u-u. **

I hate to see this fic go. But I left with a bang. shakes head sadly It was so much fun to get a good look inside Remus and Sirius. Sigh again Oh well, I might write a sequel, it may be fun. But for now, the happy ending everyone has been waiting for..

* * *

"We need to talk" were the first words out of Sirius Black's mouth at 3:21am to a sleeping Remus.

Remus slowly opened his eyes and looked at Sirius. His eyes adjusted to the darkness and he smiled slightly. So this was the private Sirius wanted. Well then, Remus waited and now he would have that chat with Sirius.

Remus slid out of bed and stumbled as he followed Sirius out of the boys dorm and into the common room. A fire was dimly lit in the fireplace and Sirius had placed a maroon blanket on the sofa in case Remus got cold.

Remus smiled at Sirius and sat down on the sofa, snuggling with the blanket but leaving room for Sirius to snuggle too. In case he wanted to, that is.

"Look, Remus, about this thing latly.." A long pause followed Sirius' words. Neither boys really knew what to say, but they knew what they felt. It was the fear of the others' reaction to it all. But they did know what they wanted.

"I'm sorry about the whole thing Sirius.." Remus' voice told Sirius he wasn't being truthful. Sirius could just tell. Sirius sighed, "Look, Remus, You have nothing to be sorry about. And your happy this whole thing happened because somehow I've grown more attached to you. And I know how you feel about me" Remus blushed but Sirius continued, "You've got to stop this whole guilt trip."  
  
"But-"  
  
"No Buts, Remus, Its not your fault. Your kind and gentle and you can't help the way you feel, I know because I feel it too, and if you feel this way then its your job to do something about your feelings, not to feel guilty every time you have a spark of..whatever you feel.. toward me.."  
  
Remus stared at Sirius a moment. He was being totally serious, no pun intended. "I don't know exactly whats going on, Remus, but I've never felt this way toward anyone." Sirius' tone was barley audible, but Remus caught every word.

"I know what your feeling Sirius." Remus whispered, looking into Sirius' eyes. Sirius smiled again. It was a real smile. Reserved for Remus and Remus only. Not some smile he shared with everyone.

"God.." Sirius shook his head. "What?" Remus gave him a small nudge.

Blushing, Sirius whispered in a voice so low that if Remus didn't have an acute sense of hearing, he wouldn't have heard it - "I think I've fallen in love with my best friend."  
  
Remus blushed. He didn't know what to say. He decided on "Love you too, Sirius. Seriously." Sirius chuckled a bit, but he was still blushing. It was love, because he had never truly loved anyone. Not any of the girls he'd been with, certainly not his family. But he loved Remus. He always had. He was just realizing it now.

"I love you more than words" Sirius said before pressing his lips to Remus' soft ones. The ones that haunted his memory. Made him look to brighter days.

This kiss was different from the first. There was no one staring and they -really- felt this one. It was like there was this huge space inside them, a puzzle if you will, that just had the last piece put in.

Their lips parted and Sirius ran his tongue along Remus' tender lower lip before sliding it inside his mouth. He explored and Remus let him.

After Sirius had tasted Remus, all of his mouth, Remus slid his tongue in Sirius' mouth and had a little exploration of his own. All the while they were still on the couch in the light of the dimly lit flame. And they were alone to share this private moment with themselves. 

Remus didn't know what to think. He slowly pulled away from Sirius and kissed him on the tip of his nose. Both boys were panting. But this kiss was truly the best the both of them had ever had. And they both had a feeling it wasn't the last they would ever share with each other.

"I think your my boyfriend now." Sirius commented, once he got his breath back. Remus nodded in agreement, "I think we were always more than just friends." And to that, Sirius nodded and moved to kiss Remus again.

* * *

The End

* * *

_Saying I love you  
Is not the words I want to hear from you  
It's not that I want you  
Not to say, but if you only knew  
How easy it would be to show me how you feel  
More than words is all you have to do to make it real  
Then you wouldn't't have to say that you love me  
Cos I'd already know  
  
What would you do if my heart was torn in two  
More than words to show you feel  
That your love for me is real  
What would you say if I took those words away  
Then you couldn't make things new  
Just by saying I love you  
  
More than words  
  
Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand  
All you have to do is close your eyes  
And just reach out your hands and touch me  
Hold me close don't ever let me go  
More than words is all I ever needed you to show  
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me  
Cos I'd already know  
  
What would you do if my heart was torn in two  
More than words to show you feel  
That your love for me is real  
What would you say if I took those words away  
Then you couldn't make things new  
Just by saying I love you  
  
More than words_

_Extreme - **'More than words'**_


End file.
